I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
