Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
