Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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