My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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