At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Porn is love you can see.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
