How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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