my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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