Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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