I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
