Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
