you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
