There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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