Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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