Got a toothbrush?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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