does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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