And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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