If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
