I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
