I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
