ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
