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but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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