We won't sleep together?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So many bounce houses so little time
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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