he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
