U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
