I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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