And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
