Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
