why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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