you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The Olympian is in my bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
