You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
