Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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