and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
