I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
