I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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