Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
