Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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