Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
