Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
