There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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