She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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