i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
