i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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