I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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