I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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