i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
