Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
