I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
