guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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