I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
