first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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