Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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